Light Emerges from the Dark Night of the Soul

It’s 4:55 in the afternoon and I’m feeling great. I’ve celebrated the wonderful dream that came to me early this morning by giving myself plenty of space and time to do the things I love.

I strolled through the booths of the farmers market, buying local cheese and chocolate and my weekly indulgence – a gooey cinnamon raisin bun.  I took an especially long, leisurely walk along the river with my beloved companion, Zoe dog.  I got my hands into the dirt in the garden, cultivated my beds and got my early lettuce and kale starts in.

What a wonderful day!

Then I glance at today’s date on the calendar.  Horror seizes my gut and twists it hard as I notice what’s been written there for weeks:  ‘Alan & Libbie’s Exhibit 2-5 PM.  Be there by 2:30 to hear Libbie’s presentation!’ 

I can’t believe it!  I’ve entirely spaced out the opening!!  The contentment of the day lies all around me, shattered to smithereens.

For weeks I’ve been eagerly looking forward to Alan and Libbie Soffer’s opening.  Together we presented a great workshop – Creating from Passion – combining Inner Wisdom work and art play. Encouraged by its success we’ve scheduled another.  The opening of their two person art exhibit offers a unique opportunity to support them, get more familiar with their art and promote our workshop.

I’ve been so primed for this event! Then today, in the early hours of the morning, I had an extraordinary and very powerful dream.

Flying Free

For years, I’ve known that it is time for me to move beyond the role of psychologist and life coach into something more spiritual. I – who am in the business of helping people change – have encountered enormous resistance to these changes.

This morning a dream appears showing me that the time really has come for me to leave the house of iStock_000003529536Smallpsychology and life coaching and move toward helping people in a more spiritual way.  I know this to be true and feel enormous relief: I can do this!

As I step out of the house I encounter an African Man, dressed in traditional costume, waiting for me just outside the door.  He greets me, his skin, as black as black, shining against his elegant, white robe and cap.

He assures me that now that I have left this house and closed the door behind me, I can fly.  He shows me that all I need to do is spread my wings and I will soar.

I spread my arms wide and find myself lifting effortlessly off the ground in euphoric flight.  My heart fills with wondrous feelings of freedom and bliss.  It all feels so right and real, so obvious and easy, so simple and wonderful!

I know not only that I can do this, but that I will.  It feels inevitable.

I awaken, still filled with the joy, confidence and optimism of this vision.  I’m delighted that I have the whole day stretching before me to celebrate this transformative experience by doing the things that nourish me most.

My Victimizer Rears Her Ugly Head

Upon realizing I’ve missed the art opening, my Victimizer appears, her response swift and terrible.

My Victimizer is the one who emerges any time I do something ‘wrong’.  Historically, she has been vicious – tearing me apart with razor sharp claws and teeth, while shrieking, “How could you do this?  What an idiot you are!!!”

With all the work that I’ve done, I’m usually able to handle her and she’s become less and less active.  Now, however, she attacks with a vengeance.

Even as she tears into me, I recognize how the fury of her retribution far exceeds the seriousness of the crime.  Sure, missing the opening was unfortunate, but it’s not the disaster she’s making it out to be.  Unmoved by such rational observation, she continues her merciless attacks.

The Black Poison of Doubt

The upset that comes when I’ve f*cked up is familiar.  Much worse, however, is the realization that slowly dawns: it is my Inner Wisdom that has betrayed me!

Were it not for my dream, I would have remained focused on what I needed to do.  I would have shown up at the opening.  Everything would have gone as planned.  It would all have been all right.

How could my Inner Wisdom do this to me?  It’s supposed to be on my side!

In that moment, for the first time I see Spirit existing on some airy fairy plane, while here I am, struggling along in physical reality.  It suddenly appears that my Inner Wisdom doesn’t give a rat’s ass about my desire to make it to the opening.  What kind of help and support is this???

For 30 years my trust in the impeccable guidance and unwavering support of Inner Wisdom has been the foundation of my personal well-being and my professional success.  Now it feels like that foundation has given way.  In painful confusion I wonder what’s left for me to stand on.

Plunged into turmoil, where can I turn?  My trusted source of guidance and support seems suddenly to be the enemy. 

A Different Perspective Can Always Be Found

I turn to someone I’ve come to trust.  Cheryl Trine is a skilled reader of the Akashic Records.  (I highly recommend her to you.  You can find her at 

Cheryl’s voice coming over the phone feels calm and matter-of-fact.  She’s totally unfazed by my calamity.  How could this be? 

Yet her upbeat attitude begins to open up the glimmer of possibility.  Maybe this whole experience isn’t the total, unmitigated disaster it seems to be.

Reading my Records, Cheryl explains that the whole situation has been a grand set up to flush out my Victimizer and, once and for all, expose her for what she is – a big bully who no longer has a place in my life. If her merciless overreaction to my error didn’t convince me, her absolute lack of compassion provides ample grounds to disown her forever. 

More important, Cheryl explains, this incident represents a major turning point in my work.  I have experienced – and presented – Inner Wisdom as a resource that will get you what you want.  This is often true.  However, what Inner Wisdom offers is actually far greater than that.

Often you don’t get what you want in life.  At those times, Inner Wisdom will give you what you need – the wisdom and perspective to handle whatever you’re dealt, whether you want it or not.

What Cheryl shares with me feels right.  It even makes sense.  But I’m not comfortable with it. 

I’m partial to getting what I want, not what I need.  I assume my readers want to hear about how they can get what they want, too.  I fear that this new message may be something most people don’t want to hear.

Transcend Suffering by Finding the Grace Hidden There

In the days and weeks following this reading I come into greater and greater acceptance of myself and what I did.  And I begin to open more fully to the message that connecting with Spirit is not about getting what you want.  It’s not about everything being love and light, joy and peace all the time.  It’s actually much greater than that.

Connecting with Spirit is about finding freedom from suffering by seeing the opportunity for transcendence in even the most challenging experiences.

It takes hard work.  We return inevitably, over and over again, to our old habits of judgment, anger, and blame toward self and others. 

Yet a different perspective is always available, offering the opportunity for grace no matter how challenging the situation may be.  We always have the alternative of peace that comes through acceptance, forgiveness and love. 

The love and light, the joy and peace are always waiting there within. Getting through to them takes dedication.  At times it takes hard work.

How sweet, though, are the rewards of bliss when won through the struggle against pain and suffering!

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